Season 3 in Five Minutes
by ShinyShimaron
Summary: Haven't watched season 3? This is a summary of each episode... in AWESOME FORM! You're welcome! Script fic.


**A/N:** Are you one of those unlucky masochists who hasn't seen season 3 because you only watch the English sub or are lazy? Do you need to know what happened in season 3 from a totally reliable source so you can continue to write your fanfiction? LOOK NO FURTHER GIRLFRIEND. This was originally posted as a joke elsewhere and was in all caps, I've re-done it for this site, because I love y'all so very much.

**Warnings:** Contains swearing, some minor references to drugs and sex. May decrease the total IQ of readers by around 30 points. Read with caution.

**Rating:** T+

**Summary:** This "story" is a quick summary of every episode of season 3! You're welcome!

**Season 3 in Five Minutes**

YUURI: Yay, I am king!

GWENDAL: Actually Wolfram might be the king for some reason.

WOLFRAM: Nah I don't want to be king.

WALTORANA: Duel each other.

YUURI: Fuck you I'm still king!

CONRAD: Let's play baseball!

GRETA: Bear bees are turning into gremlin thingies!

YUURI: Ok whatever let's go to a wedding!

GENEUS: I'm a sword-thief and I'm crashing your wedding! Hey Conrad do you want to be king of Dai Shimaron?

CONRAD: Naaah.

GENEUS: Are you sure? Are you really sure? 'Cause then I have to ask Lanzhil and he's a moron.

CONRAD: No really I'm good dude.

LANZHIL: Yay I am king now!

GENEUS: Ok get me lots of swords.

CONRAD: You know, that sword thief guy was kinda weird.

MURATA: Yeah let's go check it out and not tell anyone.

YUURI: Hey let's follow them and cross-dress while we're at it!

YUURI: Oh no I got kidnapped while cross-dressing!

CONRAD: Hey it looks like I want to be king after all fuck you Lanzhil get your ass off the throne!

LANZHIL: Waaaah you suck. Hey execute Yuuri.

CONRAD: Lol I was just jk about the king thing hey you just put me in an empty arena with a sword and Yuuri guess what I'm gonna do!

LANZHIL: Curses, foiled again!

BELIUS: Hey I want to fight Conrad he's awesome and sexy.

SARALEGUI: You will totally fight him and we will hype up this fight for 20 episodes!

YUURI: So now that we've escaped-

GUNTER: Hey remember when Conrad was in military school that was pretty badass.

CONRAD: Yeah I was awesome but you kicked my ass so I'm gonna kick your ass now HAHA LOOK I JUST DID.

ANISSINA: I'm gonna kill myself like Juliet because my gay brother does not appreciate my sexual autonomy!

YUURI: Ok...

ALFORD: I still suck and I have a weird rusty sword.

CONRAD: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, rusty sword...

YUURI: That's immature, Conrad.

GENEUS: I have stolen your long, rusty sword.

SARALEGUI: Hello I am Saralegui and I am soooooooo girly. Remember the time when I forced the Calorian military to fight for me well I was just jk lol.

CONRAD: Hey, evil-Conrad!

BELIUS: Hello, good-Conrad. We should fight each other some time it would be soooo hot.

CONRAD: Eew.

YUURI: I switched brains with Shouri and then he magically pulled the reflection of the moon out of the water and put our brains back right. Actually I might have just been tripping balls I'm not sure.

GRETA: Waaah, I'm sad because I have two daddies and no mommies.

CHERI-SAMA: Well, I'm pretty much everyone else's mom so I can be yours too.

GRETA: OK GOOD ENOUGH LOL.

YUURI: HOLY FUCK THERE'S A GIANT ROBOT DOLL!

EVERYONE: WHAT THE FUUUUUCK.

SARALEGUI: Come visit me.

YUURI: Ok we're visiting you.

SARALEGUI: Oh no my soldiers are rebelling because I whine too much. Let's cuddle!

YUURI: Well ok if it makes up for you not having a mom.

CONRAD: I AM GOING TO KILL EVERY DAMN THING.

BELIUS: Hey let's fight!

CONRAD: Ok.

YUURI: Hey why are you guys fighting?

CONRAD: No fucking reason at all.

SARALEGUI: Hey someone's gonna shoot Yuuri look I took an arrow I'm so brave!

YUURI: That makes me totally mad!

CONRAD: Hey you didn't get mad when I took an arrow for you...

YUURI: Whatever.

CONRAD: And I didn't bleed half that much either, is that fake blood?

YUURI: Whatever.

CONRAD: And the arrow came from a completely different direction from the army, what's up with that?

YUURI: Whatever.

WALTORANA: Hey suddenly I care about every decision you make even though I've been completely absent for two entire seasons and you have had complete free reign.

YUURI: Let's play kick the can lol.

CONRAD: This is a good opportunity to give a long speech about how gigantic Julia's... personality was.

NICOLA: Omg El is being kidnapped again!

SHOURI: I will save him or her!

SHOURI: OH NO I AM KIDNAPPED.

EVERYONE: Fuck now we have to save him.

ALAZON: This is a magic sword, use your magic on it.

SHOURI: Ok I did.

YUURI: Hey don't do that anymore.

WALTORANA: Shouri touched a sword and we are very concerned about this for some reason.

SHOURI: You guys need to get laid.

SARALEGUI: Hey Yuuri let's negotiate peace with Dai Shimaron. You should send someone over to do that. I won't name names, but it starts with a "C" and ends in -onrad Fucking Weller.

CONRAD: Ok but first I must demote Gisela to gardener.

GISELA: WTF?

CONRAD: Ok I am here to negotiate peace.

SARALEGUI: HAH! I have locked you in your room! THAT SHOULD DETER YOU!

CONRAD: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breaks down door and kills everyone*

SARALEGUI: Too late I am on a boat starting a war motherfucker!

CONRAD: Well what is the most logical thing to do in this situation? I know, I will dress up like a ninja and screw around in Dai Shimaron! Whee!

SARALEGUI: Yuuri, kill Lanzhil.

YUURI: Ok. Oops wait!

SARALEGUI: MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.

YUURI: That was meeeeeeean.

YUURI: Hey what if I never became the Maou and had a boring job?

BOB: You have to forgive Saralegui or reality will cease to exist.

YUURI: What the fuck? Whatever, fine, I'll forgive that douche.

BOB: Sweet.

CONRAD: I am the Blue Wind, a vigilante, kicking ass and taking names!

WOLFRAM: STOP DOING THAT.

CONRAD: Ok.

BELIUS: How did you escape? I will kidnap you and have my way with you! THIS IS THE FIGHT THAT HAS BEEN HYPED FOR 20 EPISODES.

CONRAD: Oh really 'cause I owned you in like 5 seconds, you're terrible.

GENEUS: Haha I know, I was watching from behind this tree, he kicked your ass.

BELIUS: I am defeated. You may have your way with me, you sexy beast.

CONRAD: EEEEEEW.

YUURI: Dear Saralegui, it seems that my bodyguard has beaten the shit out of your bodyguard, come and get his lame ass.

SARALEGUI: Hey thanks. By the way make me king of Dai Shimaron.

YUURI: WTF?

CONRAD: No?

SARALEGUI: Please?

YUURI: Maybe.

CONRAD: Maybe.

ALAZON: I am here to kidnap Yuuri.

BELIUS: Gasp it is my sister Alazon who is also Saralegui's mother this is just like a soap opera!

ALAZON: I will kidnap Yuuri so he can use his powers on my sword.

YUURI: I'll just come voluntarily who the fuck cares.

SARALEGUI: Noooooooo I want to be the herooooooooo!

SARALEGUI: See my magic works too.

ALAZON: No you are too lame you are not the hero.

SARALEGUI: I'm just gonna steal the sword and run around town killing people then.

GENEUS: I want to meet Shinou, I'm his biggest fan!

SHINOU: FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT YOU CAN'T MEET ME CAUSE I'M AN ASSHOLE.

GENEUS: That makes me maaaaaaaaaaad I'm destroying the woooooooooooorld.

MURATA: For some reason that made him as powerful as Soushu.

YUURI: I'll kill him.

MURATA: But you don't have Morgif.

CONRAD: Then maybe someone should get it for him.

MURATA: Too lazy.

CONRAD: Ok then.

YUURI: I grabbed the soul thingie!

MURATA: I'll take it.

YUURI: Oops my magic is all gone.

CONRAD: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

YUURI: Now I can't go back to Earth oh wait yes I can play the crappy credit music this show is over.

THE END.


End file.
